Nigeria and the United Nations of Plenty Talk

One of the spectacles Manjaro finds truly comical is the annual convergence of world leaders in New York for the General Assembly of the United Nations. I mean, the most consequential outcome of this annual ritual must be the boost it gives to the tourism industry of New York City. Really, what else?

Of course, there is the estacode enjoyed by government officials lucky enough to make the contingent of their countries for the annual jamboree.

For those of refined taste, there would be the opportunity to spend some of their travel allowance on a visit to Liberty Island to witness the majesty of Lady Liberty (the Statue of Liberty), or making a stopover at Times Square to soak up its vibrant energy; while those of more base instincts may opt to visit the red light district of Jackson Heights, to expend their allowances behind the walls of the brothels of Queens… after all, body no be firewood…

That should be about it.

But the main business within the United Nations Headquarters itself?

Plenty talk. Raucous laughter. Long-winding speeches. Boring applause. Absentminded nods. Lifeless resolutions. Handshakes and backslaps. Then… Goodbye, see you next year.

That’s about it. All fluff. Empty. Of no consequence.

Apparently, it’s all a show to justify the continued existence of the 80-year-old organization and its 39 floors secretariat sitting on 18 acres of prime New York land.

Whatever one might think of US President Donald Trump, you would struggle to argue with his assessment of the UN in his first term, when he stated: The United Nations has such great potential but right now it is just a club for people to get together, talk and have a good time. So sad!

Where is the lie?

Mr. Trump doubled down at this year’s UNGA with a scathing and blistering rebuke of the 80-year-old behemoth which he obviously believes has outlived its usefulness.

It seems the UN staff knew Trump, the quintessential bull in a China shop, was about to pick their institution apart one shred at a time, and so mysteriously, the escalator taking Trump and his wife, Melania, up to the auditorium of the General Assembly broke down while the couple were on it!

As if that wasn’t enough, as Trump mounted the podium to begin his boastful tirade, the teleprompter went off! There couldn’t have been a better script!

A few of the soundbites from Trump’s speech:

“ What is the purpose of the United Nations? The UN has such tremendous potential... I’ve always said it… but it’s not even coming close to living up to that potential, for the most part. At least for now, all they seem to do is write a really strongly worded letter and then never follow that letter up. It’s empty words, and empty words don’t solve war. The only thing that solves war and wars is action...” And…

“…All I got from the United Nations was an escalator that on the way up, stopped right in the middle. If the first lady wasn’t in great shape, she would have fallen, but she’s in great shape. We’re both in good shape. We both stood… These are the two things I got from the United Nations: a bad escalator and a bad teleprompter…”

Petty much, I know. But it’s Trump.

After the US President ended his speech, reminding all in the hall and everyone watching around the world that the US remains the leader of the free world, and the enforcer of stability, and that he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for ending seven wars, the annual parole proceeds with the same template:

...The Prime Minister of Israel mounts the podium and gives his speech, defending Israel’s rights to obliterate the Palestinians from the face of the earth. He also promises to cripple the Iranians. Of course, before he begins his speech, a mass walkout is staged by those opposed to Israel’s belligerence…

...The President of the Palestinian Authority takes the stage, defending the rights of the Palestinians to living in dignity in a State of Palestine, free of Israeli occupation...

The President of Iran takes the microphone and hurls insults at the United States, Israel, the West generally, promising to “cut off the head of the snake” ...

...The leaders of France, the UK, Canada and other countries of “the Free World” take the podium and spread the gospel of Democracy and Human Rights (let’s forget for a minute that their definitions of those terms aren’t entirely objective but subject to their whims at any particular time) …

...The representative of China mounts the rostrum and gives a speech which is a classical tutorial on how to sit on the fence …

...Ukraine’s comedian president gets on the podium in his comical black t-shirt and more comical posturing of defiance, subtlety blackmailing the United States and NATO to step in more decisively in their favour in his war of attrition against Putin.

...Then Putin’s representative takes the stage to, in that uniquely Russian drawl, remind everyone in the room that Russia still possesses the largest amount of warheads in its arsenal.

Of course, you have the leaders of a potpourri of African countries mount the stage, one after the other, with their begging bowls, requesting aid which they and everyone who has enough time to listen to their pitiful speeches know would mostly end up in their bank accounts in Switzerland and the Cayman Islands.

Then, enter the Giant of Africa…

Nigeria…

This year, as it was last year, our dear Vice President Kashim Shettima mounted the rostrum to represent Nigeria. As one would expect of a proud Nigerian of Kanuri descent, he wore a well-starched, blue-coloured, excellently embroidered babariga with a cap to match.

He started the speech well enough, speaking to the need for action to address the “chaos that shadows our world.” Fair enough. He then took listeners on a detour of the history of the United Nations and the shared community countries were members of, which had prevented the world from “being consumed by our differences…” Oh well...

Then followed the usual platitudes which I’m certain have been repeated at least a dozen times since the start of the General Assembly, largely meant to massage the egos of the bureaucrats at the UN, after which he threw in the call which several other countries have made: a two-state solution between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Fair enough.

And then the demands came next… THE DEMANDS.

Of course it won’t be the UN General Assembly if there are no DEMANDS…Demands which are made yearly, and as the smile playing on the lips of the Vice President may suggest, demands which both the Demander and the Demandee both know would not be granted even if the demands were made in all the world’s languages.

The first demand: Nigeria should be granted a permanent seat at the UN Security Council. Justification: When the UN was founded we were a colony of just 20 million people. But today Nigeria is a sovereign nation of 236 million, projected to soon become the 3^rd most populous country in the world.

So, in not so diplomatic language, we should be granted a seat at the table of the world’s most prosperous, most scientifically advanced, most powerful countries in the world because of our high-octane libidinous proclivities!

Ha Ha.

The second demand: Urgent action to promote sovereign debt relief.

That phrase must surely ring a bell: Debt Relief.

But…but…but… wasn’t this the same demand which was made a little over two decades ago, successfully negotiated by the Olusegun Obasanjo administration and graciously granted by the Paris Club? Recall that in October 2005 (when Nigeria’s total external debt stood at $36 billion), Nigeria and the Paris Club announced a final agreement for debt relief worth $18 billion and an overall reduction of Nigeria's debt stock by $30 billion. The deal was completed on April 21, 2006, when Nigeria made its final payment and its books were cleared of any Paris Club debt.

So, how is it that barely two decades later we are singing the same song in the UN?

Oh well, somehow… someway, Nigeria’s external debt has ballooned beyond the $36 billion of the early 2000s to $46 billion as at Q1 2025, with new borrowing actively being negotiated! So while on the one hand we seek another round of debt relief, on the other hand we are borrow more, and quite sadly, on the third hand (let us imagine it exists), Nigeria has more people living in multidimensional poverty. You can’t make this up!

The incongruence, when one juxtaposes the two demands, is even laughable. How in one breath one makes a bold demand to be given a place at the table of the world's "biggest boys" and have the same entitlements as them- the most significant being the right to the veto power, while in another breath you meekly beg for debt-forgiveness- debt which you accessed (and are still accessing) with both eyes open, calls for its own thesis, for the dissonance is palpable.

Oh well, our Vice President delivered his address and his it was well applauded, mostly by the Nigerian contingent who accompanied him, while those he made requests to exchange quizzical looks, questioning whether this request for debt forgiveness is intended to be a periodic request…maybe once in a decade or two. I’m certain the contingent moved on to other engagements where more speeches were delivered (hopefully of more consequence), then they probably were hosted to sumptuous dinners with caviar and the choicest Bruts on offer, after which they retired to their suites at the Waldorf Astoria to rest for the flight back home.

...And then the wait would begin for the 2026 UN General Assembly, where it would be “rinse and repeat”!

© Manjaro EsienIta